Amnesia
by everworld2662
Summary: She wished she still had amnesia. [Angst] [ClaireEthan]


Amnesia

**Length: **One-shot. Approximately 900 words.  
**Pairing: **Claire/Ethan, numb Claire/Charlie.  
**Set: **After _Maternity Leave_.  
**Genre: **Angst  
**Songlist: **Sixpence None The Richer – Don't Dream It's Over  
**Warnings: **Non-central CD (character death).

Claire dug her fingers into the sand, letting her head hang. Finally she heard the crunching of boots and looked up, blinking tears from her eyes. They slid down her cheeks as Jack kneeled by her, Sun hovering behind him, a concerned look on her face.

"Are you alright, Claire?"

Jack watched her shoulders shake.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Take me to his grave."

There was a long pause. "His grave?"

She nodded, teeth chattering, and Sun helped her up delicately. She thought she would fold over with exhaustion, she felt as if the world had been pulled from under her feet, and she kept her eyes on the ground as Sun led her forward, Jack close behind.

Charlie was already there.

She reeled, Sun catching on to her and slowly lowering her to the ground. Even as Jack felt her forehead and gave her water, her eyes never left Charlie's figure. His back was turned to them; he must have heard them coming but had not reacted. He was still as a statue.

"_Charlie_!" She pushed the fettering hands off and staggered forward.

Charlie did turn, and his face was impassive as he dropped the gun at her feet.

They looked at each other for a moment.

"Take it." There was no anger in his voice.

She knelt, feeling the grains press into her knees through her dress, and picked up the gun.

He left her kneeling by Ethan's grave with it in her scarred hands.

* * *

"_It was me."_

_She had slapped him. He stood very still, not quite bearing the other cheek but certainly not flinching away from her. With a betrayed cry, she pushed him away, and he caught her arm. _

"_Sun, I'm sorry." _

_This time she punched him, and it was quite as hard as Locke's had been. He fell ungracefully in the sand and waited for her to say something. _

_His head was back, mouth open and filled with blood, eyes fixed on the blurry blue sky. _

_She couldn't find words.

* * *

_

Jack didn't let her keep the gun for long, just waiting for Charlie's silhouette to disappear to take it from her. He held her hair back as she threw up, Sun sitting beside her in companionable silence, lending her comfort with her warmth.

"It's a lot to remember, Claire. I'm not surprised you're having this kind of reaction."

He said something about post traumatic stress disorder and Claire stopped listening.

* * *

_Ethan! _

_Holding her up whenever she fell, sitting by her as she knit. She remembered him often being called away by some of his friends, and though he expressed regret, he went. He came to her that time and they snuck off for fresh air, as if he were trying to give her the little he could before she…before they…_

_And finally, he had told her his secret. _

_That he was going to miss her. _

_There was no excusing his actions, but he had contained her for the duration of her captivity. And he had said he liked her, liked her company, and he had held her hand and hugged her a fair few times, but it wasn't enough. It hadn't been enough to keep him from…_

_He would have done it. _

_Charlie, Ethan, he would have done it, cut her open like a pig for slaughter. _

_He loved the drugs more than he loved her._

_And being here was a sick reminder, and not because he was buried underneath her hands but because he'd held her hair back the way Jack was doing it now when she was going through awful morning sickness. And Charlie had killed him for it. _

_He'd killed Charlie._

_

* * *

_"Claire." Sun shook her gently. "Claire, we should be thinking about heading back now." 

Her eyes snapped open and she screamed, clawing at Sun till the Korean woman let go of her, shouting.

"You'll wake the entire camp," Sawyer told her dryly as she walked past his tent.

"Go back to sleep, Sawyer."

She kept her hands very firmly clenched so that he wouldn't see that they were dark red in the moonlight.

"Go back to sleep!" He snorted. "You like me, don't you?"

She heard him roll over onto his side before she found the concentration to keep walking.

She wondered if Sun was okay.

* * *

The next morning Sun looked at Jack from out of a black eye. Charlie was standing not far off and he stole her gaze, some kind of understanding passing between them. 

When he told her what he'd done to Sun, she gave him the gun back.

"You might be needing this if Jin ever finds out."

* * *

Charlie took her fishing the day Jack finally let her out of his care with a box of the sedatives that he had already once tried to press upon her. 

She forgave him, and he cooked her a fish, which she ate gratefully.

Hell she understood him now, he'd longed for it, and ached for it, and wanted it so badly; she would have done anything just to see his face again.

She wished she still had amnesia.

* * *

On Aaron's first birthday, Charlie kissed her with exceeding care. He still treated her as if she was pregnant sometimes, or simply the porcelain wreck Jack had nursed back to health. Locke sometimes looked at her in a strange way when he saw Charlie's lips pressed against hers. She wondered what he could possibly be thinking.

* * *

When Charlie died, she felt nothing, so she went and slept under the stars by Ethan's grave. 

**A/N: I don't know where this came from. It was so, so, so nice to write. I like the small details, and how many things can be read into the words. "She kept her hands very firmly clenched so that he wouldn't see that they were dark red in the moonlight." I'm especially pleased with this last one, because she dug her nails into her palms when she was dreaming, so I'm not sure whether I was referring to that or whether it was about the extent to which she hurt Sun. Anyway, R&R pretty pretty pretty please?**


End file.
